All of this talk on the radio, TV, and internet concerning the NFL Draft is insane. Johnny Manziel this, Sammy Watkins that, Jadeveon Clowney, blah, blah, blah. Enough! As long as the Tampa Bay Buccaneers can get themselves a great player, that's all we care about. That being said, we'd like to conduct our own draft, albeit, for automobiles. Here are our top 10 cars that we think would be great for not only being chauffeured around in but probably swanky and with enough "street cred" for these soon to be NFLers to be buying with their signing bonuses. Drum roll please...(Yes, we're doing it David Letterman top 10 style and not NFL Draft style)...
A great choice for a linebacker or safety, plenty room, fast (see AMG version), and can probably run through a brick wall. But, we're partial towards this version of the famed German G-Wagen:
Just look at it! It evokes and oozes awesomeness and the fact that "I am owned by an NFL 1st Round Draft Pick." Plus, you can customize your own, kind of like a house, and just as pricey. Probably suited best for quarterbacks and wide receivers.
Your standard fare Escalade is the choice for NFL offensive and defensive linemen, probably because they are giant human beings who need all the room they can get.
With a sonorous Ferrari-spec engine, this vehicle is probably a good choice for wide receivers and cornerbacks. Plus, if it's half as good as their advertisement for the Ghibli, then it would be the steal of the draft.
Gotta get it with the W12 engine because more is always better. Great for all types of NFL players, too. Plus, if they hire a chauffeur, he or she will be thrilled to drive it too.
Pairs well with private jets. The extended wheelbase edition is our choice for the top draft picks. A great head turner too.
4. Audi A8
The same W12 as found in the Bentley, but without the custom-home price tag. The economic choice for "smart" NFL draft pick. Just look at that grille!
3. BMW 7 Series
Due for a makeover pretty soon, but a great car for players big and small. A lot of different engine choices too. A sensible choice, like punting from your own 20 yard line on 4th and 5.
With all the bells and whistles including a perpetual "new car smell" and private jet-inspired rear seats, this beast from Germany will surely be one of the top choices for linemen, receivers, quarterbacks, and more.
1. Our Flagship Chrysler 300 Stretch Limousine - Ok, just kidding, but it's pretty darn nice and comes with a chauffeur.
The Real #1: Tesla Model S
This car is smart, like a punter or a kicker...why is a punter or kicker smart? They don't get hit as much as the rest of the players out there and make a great living. This car is fast and doesn't run on gas. Smart.
So there you have it, our top 10 draft day cars for all those NFL players out there looking to cash in tonight. Let's hope they don't spend all of their signing bonus money on something too crazy.